A Reality Check for Men (and Women)

Online dating. It’s no secret that there are trials and tribulations attached to this form of recreational activity. I’ve been doing it off and on for over a year now and man, could I write a book about the perverts, oddballs and weirdos I’ve encountered. Maybe some other time. The thing I want to discuss tonight is the unrealistic expectations men have of women and their bodies.

Believe me, I’m the first to admit I’m no supermodel. Reality check here men, most real women aren’t. I’ve never been thin or petite. I’m tall and always seem to be fighting the same 5-10 pounds. Like most real women. I had two (amazing) kids, both in my mid- to late-30s. Nothing like two babies to stretch things beyond recognition! No amount of dieting or crunches have been able to get rid of it all. But I am healthy. Perfect blood pressure. Perfect cholesterol. I work out to be healthy. Mission accomplished.


I bring all of this up because I had a date with the male counterpart of a “gym bunny” last week. He’s not the typical guy I usually choose to go out with. (I like a neck on my men.) But he seemed more intelligent than most muscle-bound guys. The date was fun, apart from him trying to belittle any idea I had that didn’t match his. It was one of many decent dates I’ve had. No perfect chemistry, but nice. I would have gone out with him again, but wouldn’t have been heart-broken if he never called again. I was even willing to overlook the Peter Pan aspect of being a personal trainer and motorbike racer – he once had a “real” job and could carry on a conversation. And he was nice.

Or so I thought. Turns out he’s got the same warped perceptions as my first husband and many other men out there – that women aren’t worth being with unless they fit some kind of unrealistic physical ideal. He called me a couple of nights after our date to say first, that we was probably getting back together with his ex-wife. The irony here is he spent a good portion of the date complaining how she spent all of his money and that she wasn’t too bright. He professed he wanted to be with someone with a brain next time. But his ex is a gym bunny with a perfect body. So much for his lofty goals.

Then he proceeded to say, “Amy, I don’t think you know how beautiful you are.” What woman doesn’t want to hear that? But wait, it gets better. “From the neck up, you’re beautiful. But if you just worked out more and lost some weight, you’d rock the world.”I'm sure he thought he was doing something nice ... but is this guy for freakin’ real?! I’m no Angelina Jolie I realize, but he’s no Brad Pitt either. (Like either would be found online dating to begin with ...) And I don’t think anyone has the right to make pronouncements like this to someone they’ve just met, if at all. As my dad likes to say, “Unsolicited advice sucks.” Boy, does it ever.

Look, this comment could have come from a stranger on the street, it would have equally crushed me. I come from a long line of people putting me down, starting with an overly critical mom. Then my first husband Randy spent our nine years together trying to convince me to grow out my hair, dye it blond and get implants. My comment to him – why did you marry me then?! This is one of many reasons he’s my ex.

I don’t know a single woman who likes her body. And I find that sad. If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of our good female friends instead of morons like this guy. But we never believe the good stuff do we? It’s crappy stuff like this that sticks and hurts and festers. This all got me thinking about body image, again, and the horrible relationship women have with their bodies. And men, whatever we look like, if we’re good to you and love you and want to be with you, you should consider yourself lucky. To all my friends, you’re beautiful just as you are. Really. And to my date from last week – if you’re so preoccupied with looks at your age (50) then you deserve the beautiful, money-grubbing bubblehead you’re going back to.

And to everyone still reading, here are some startling facts to consider:

• Twenty years ago, models weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, they weigh 23% less than the average woman.

• The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5’11” tall and weighs 117 pounds.

• Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.

• The average woman weighs 144 lbs. and wears between a 12-14.

• If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.

• If GI Joe were human, he’d have larger biceps than any bodybuilder in history.

• If shop mannequins were real women, they’d be too thin to menstruate.

• In 2007, there were about 11.7 million cosmetic procedures performed in the U.S. 91% of these were performed on women.

• A study found that 53% of thirteen-year-old American girls are unhappy with their bodies. This number grows to 78% by the time girls reach seventeen.

• In one U.S. National survey, women feared being fat more than dying.

• A survey of formally fat people revealed they would rather be blind or lose a limb than be fat again.


Scary stuff, huh?