Wow, it's been way over a year since I decided to expound my thoughts here on my blog. Miss me?
I wish I could say my life has been going so fabulously well this past year that I simply haven't had the time to blog ... instead of the truth. My dad and brother Simon have been in and out of the hospital, I've been promoted (yay!) to a division of a company that's disintegrating around me (boo!), had a few friends leave me in the dust (boo again! and given up online dating (whew!), but the kids are great, I'm healthy and believe it or not - happy. I find myself smiling thinking about how good life is.
Then there's the other side of the coin, what lies beneath. Yes, I'm happy. But yes, I've been through a lot this past year. This isn't a pity party, I promise. I've moved on from that mindset. I know there are people that have it better than me and I know that there are people that have it worse. The miraculous balance of life.
Grow Old with Me
What prompted today's blog is a visit to Kroger yesterday (a local grocery store if you're not from MI). While filling my cart with the essentials for the week I kept walking by this really sweet, very slow moving old couple. As they shuffled through the store, I couldn't help but be envious. They got to grow old with someone. I haven't ruled this possibility out for my life, it's just not in the cards right now for some reason. I kept thinking about the history they must have together. The kids. The grandkids. The fights. The making up. Just being there for each other through the years.
There are things I miss and don't miss about being half of a couple. I get to pick out my own furniture, there's no juggling households during the holidays and I actually get a good night's sleep on a frequent basis. However, if I don't have the kids I'm alone for those holidays, I have no one to go furniture shopping with and, sigh, my bed has been empty for far too long. But what I miss most is having someone to share my ups and downs with. The kids, my family and friends are good for this sometimes, but it's not the same. There are days I come home from work and don't talk to another human being until I see my kids the next morning. While I like having alone time, nobody wants it all the time!
Can I Get a Witness?
Growing up I never thought I'd spend this much time on my own as an adult. I can't find the right partner or the right friends for some reason. Not complaining, just pondering. I miss having that daily touchstone of someone in my life who knows what my life is truly like. Not just snippets of it here and there. This all got me thinking about a quote from Susan Sarandon in a tepid film called Shall We Dance. The movie wasn't great, but this part always struck a chord with me:
"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. ... You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'".So, for my happily or unhappily attached friends out there, rejoice that you have a witness. One beyond Facebook, that is! Believe me, I know how hard marriage can be. But there is that comfort that someone is there, by your side to be a part of the good and the bad, someone to grow old with. And keep your fingers crossed that one day I'll find someone to shuffle through the grocery store with 30 years from now!
