Solitude

I'm all for having time on my own. Me time. Especially after a long week, it's nice to have no one that needs anything from you for a while.

But then there's too much of a good thing. Don't get me wrong. I'm not wishing for my ex back. God no. But I do miss having someone to share things with. A favorite movie line that touches on this says, "We need someone to witness our lives." Yes, there are Cole and Ella, my family and friends - but it's just not the same. I still want a companion, someone to grow old with. I know, sounds sentimental and schmaltzy, but it's my reality.

It's been a few months now since I quit Match.com and dating altogether. And although I have more peace of mind and less drama, I miss having a date to look forward to. Someone to get dressed up for. Plus, I'm really tired of people telling me that it's when you stop looking that you find someone. These are all married people, mind you. What do they know?!  They haven't been 44 and trying to find a soul mate! It's not like there are any prospects where I work. And as far as I can tell, the dads at school are all married. So where does that leave me? Alone.

I love my girls' weekends, including the too fun Drag Queen Bingo I did this past weekend with a friend. Too fun! But there's a void that lingers. Plus, with a few exceptions, most of my friends are married with families who they spend time with (rightly so), so weekends are a vast expanse of time to fill.

So, what next? Do I dare dive back into the murky, shark infested dating pool that is Match.com? Or do I just find other things to occupy my time on these long and lonely weekends? There's plenty to keep me busy, but then there are days like today where apart from saying goodnight to my kids on the phone tonight, the only other people I talked to were various cashiers. That's no way to live!

My biological clock has stopped ticking, I'm not jumping to be married, but I do feel like my life is cruising by while I'm sitting in a rest stop somewhere patiently waiting! I'm not trying to whine and wallow, but just yet again sending my thoughts out into the cyber universe and hopefully a bit less on the brain!